Valentine's Day - FeMC Edition
by MichaelJL
Summary: Genderbent Joker tries to go for the harem ending. It ends badly for her. Just my take on how 2/15 would play out with a female protagonist.


**_2/13/2017_**

It had been a long and arduous month and a half, but Akane Kurusu was finally, _finally_ free. After being escorted home to Leblanc by her uncle-in-all-but-name Sojiro and having a fun welcome-back party with her friends, Akane retired to her bedroom and plopped down on her bed. As she finished changing into her pajamas, her sister-in-all-but-name Futaba and her faithful companion Morgana stepped into the room. Futaba was holding a package, which she stuffed under the chair where Akane worked out sometimes. Akane quirked an eyebrow. Futaba, noticing her confusion, explained, "Oh, this? After the party, Morgana asked me to make a little something for him. It took me a while and a lot of help from the good old Internet, but I think it came out all right."

Akane reached for the package to see what was inside, but Morgana darted over and hissed. "Oh, no, you don't, miss impatient! You're gonna have to wait until tomorrow to see what's in here!" He hopped up onto Akane's lap and licked her hand. "Ah, yes. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, day of love across the world! After everything we've been through together... it seems fitting for us to just take some time and spend it together." Morgana licked her cheek, his own way of giving her a little kiss. "Good night." As Morgana nodded off, Akane's phone buzzed. When she checked it, she noticed that all _seven_ of her other boyfriends were hoping to spend tomorrow with her. Looking at the cat on her lap, Akane realized that that particular time slot was already taken. She turned off her phone and followed Morgana into dreamland.

 ** _2/14/2017_**

Morgana's package turned out to be a set of handmade chocolates made via Futaba. They came out a little intense, but the combination of Morgana's romantic love and Futaba's sisterly/friendly/whateverly love shone through. Akane spent the day hanging out with Morgana.

 _ **2/15/2017**_

When Akane woke up the following morning, she happened to glance at her phone and realized she had forgotten to respond to the other seven invitations for last night. Shrugging, she went downstairs to the cafe, where Futaba was already trying out one of Sojiro's recipes. Futaba was easily a distant third best cook in the strange Sakura family, second being Akane and first being Sojiro himself, but she was trying to improve. As Akane sampled some of her curry, Sojiro rushed into the cafe with a look of panic on his face. "Dammit, Akane, what did you _do_?!"

Akane and Futaba got up to see what was wrong. When she did, Akane let out an uncharacteristic "Oh, _shit_!" Ryuji Sakamoto, Yusuke Kitagawa, Goro Akechi, Munehisa Iwai, Shinya Oda, Yuuki Mishima, and Toranosuke Yoshida barged into the cafe with packages in their hands and equal looks of terrible fury on their faces.

Ryuji screamed, "After everything we've been through... How the eff could you do this to me?!"

Yusuke growled, "I am disappointed in you, Akane. I truly believed we had something special between us..."

Akechi bit back tears. "So, everything you said on Shido's ship... Was it all a lie?!"

Iwai spat, "Dammit, kid, I trusted you! And now look at what you've done!"

Shinya yelled, "You're no hero! Just a two bit... backstabber!"

Mishima mourned, "So this is what you thought about me? Just a two-bit joke?!"

Yoshida simply stated, "It seems my faith in you was badly misplaced. How could I fall for such a simple ruse...?"

Sojiro and Futaba shared looks of horror as they pieced together what happened - Akane had gone and eight-timed her boyfriends, and now she was about to pay the price. Futaba was the first to recover. "This is every harem anime ever... gone horribly wrong!"

Sojiro stammered, "So, Futaba. Wasn't there that... doohickey you wanted to show me in Akihabara?"

Futaba took the obvious hint. "Yeah... Hey, Akane! Try not to get a Nice Boat ending, OK?" The two quickly made themselves scarce, abandoning Akane to her fate.

Iwai growled, "I say we break her legs."

Yoshida shook his head. "Sadly, that is not an option. Cultural values heavily discourage men using violence against women, no matter the circumstance."

Ryuji screamed, "What?! That's BULLSHIT! If the genders were swapped, we'd be kicking her ass!"

Akane took the perceived opportunity to attempt an escape, but Yusuke grabbed her by the arm and forced her into a chair. "You stay right there. If we are denied violence, we shall simply have to be more... creative with our vengeance.

Shinya took a look around, and an idea entered his head. "Hey... Seems to me like Akane likes chocolate a little too much for her own good."

Akechi quickly caught on, and a cruel smirk crossed his lips. "In fact... Let's give her all the chocolate she wants!"

Ryuji and Iwai pinned Akane's arms, Yusuke forced her mouth open, and Mishima readied his chocolates. "Open wide, you backstabber!" And on that note, he forced the chocolate into her mouth. Akane barely had time to swallow before about a hundred pieces of chocolate were rammed into her stomach. Any taste they may have once had vanished in the face of the sheer overload, and soon Akane never wanted to taste chocolate ever again. Eventually, their vengeance finally relented. Akane collapsed back-first onto the floor of the cafe. She convulsed for a moment, and then vomited all over her own chest.

Akechi casually flicked some chocolate off his suit. "Well, it seems our work here is done." The seven men left the cafe, muttering profanities under their breath. As Akane lifted her head, a black shape entered her vision.

"Morgana..." The cat stared blankly at her. "I can... explain..." Morgana turned around, lifted his hind leg, and peed on her. Akane gave up and collapsed again.

 ** _The End_**

* * *

 **AN: Weird formatting errors have been fixed. How in the hell did that even happen? I typed the stupid story straight into the Doc Manager!**


End file.
